Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Smart People...

Something you never hear from someone that went to college, or for that matter, anyone you would consider of average intelligence:

"I'm just hoping I can land a job with one of the airlines."

I'm sure it happens all the time, but I don't run in those academic circles. I mean, I assume that.....

True Love....

I really LOVE couples that say they are "Soul Mates".  I see.  I give it 6 months before one of them is filing a restraining order.  Oh that darn Cupid...who, by the way, must now remain 500 yards away ....

Best Imitation Ever....

People always say "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".  Hmm.  Have you ever heard someone imitate you?  I have. I walked in on some dude doing an impression of me.   Everyone laughed.  I laughed. Then, after laughing, and feeling flattered(of course), I went outside and did my best impression of someone putting a brick through the guy's windshield.  But, the thing is,  I'm not good at impressions, so, well,  you can guess....I heard he wasn't flattered.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Vegas is a luxury vacation.

Things I heard in Vegas, and i'm not going to say a word........

Jeff Gordon, just ain't racing people to me and When the fuck is Junior going to get his shit together.

Shit these nickel slots used to payoff Big. Where's that bitch with my Turkey and Coke?

Holy shit, that is a nice John Deere hat.

Damn, women, hurry up! The goddamn buffet line is gonna be long.

Fuck that place! That asshole at the bar? The one that said they dont serve bud light? Yeah, that fucker, he says they aint gonna play no Skynyrd.

Well, know this, honey pie, that trailer don't pay for itself.

....i'm not saying a word.



Communication is key....

I'm a big proponent of clear, concise, "say what the fuck you mean",  language.  For example, when flying, and the flight attendant says before the flight  "In the event  of a water landing...",  she is not clearly stating her point.  To clarify, I think it would be better to say:  "Hey listen up assholes!  If this piece of flying aluminum foil crashes into the ocean, well, let's just just say you had better swim your fat, lame, asses off!!!"  See I think more succinctly states what she meant.  I like helping people get their point across.  

Monday, April 1, 2013

Stupid and proud, baby!!!!

So, for some stupid fucking reason, I actually see if people are looking at this worthless blog.  I actually have one (yes, one) "follower", but I thought about it, and I seriously think it's probably the FBI.  Anyways, I wanted to post it on one those Blog Directory sites, but was rejected  because a blog had to be "Mature" or some crap like that.  And then, I got mad, and thought, "Hey, wait one fucking minute!".... and then decided, that this is actually pretty worthless dribble, and well, I guess I do agree with them -- no need to help propagate garbage like this.   So, there.  I am growing as a person.      Why are you still here anyways?

Just one little bite....

I guess men do this too, but my experience has mostly been with women.  Okay so you are at a restaurant.   There's this lady--let us say of "certain proportions"-- at a table next to you that is down to her last small bite of whatever desert she has been inhaling, and she says, "oh I can not possibly eat one more bite!", and pushes the plate away with a tiny piece left.  I swear to god, I want to go over and say "we all know that is a bunch of bullshit!  You have been over here smacking your lips on every morsel of food that dares to land in front of you, and now, you are declaring that there is no fucking way you can choke down that little last piece?!! Really???"  I really want to do that sometime.  I really do.